gift from god

Honestly, Marlene is not only child who are very close in my heart. There’s Fei-fei, 'my oldest daughter', and Kenneth, 'the youngest one'.
Hehe…, just kidding, I thought, most of you have already known that there is no child in my home.

In the 8th year of our marriage life, God have not given that gift yet. In our early life after married, we try to spend our time and money for medical checkup and treatment. We hoped we could get my wife’s first pregnancy soon. But now, I feel I have losed that dream. You will laugh, if I told you that I had already prepared a name for our baby long time before we got married.

Sometimes, I think God is playing on my destiny for fun. I have seen several family of my friends or some of my colleague who have a perfect gift for their entire life. They have prosperous life, good education, best career and when they get married, they get their first born child immediately. They have perfect lives. While me, almost always get anything hard to survive. Even for my dream to have our own son or daughter, I must walk it with patience and big expectation. In the other way, I also see the fact about many parents who have no responsibility for thier own children's life. But, God is always generous to give them things that He doens't willing to gave us.

Honestly, I feel sad… and regret my own tragic opinion about God’s blessing for my life. I thought it would be very hard for me to accept thing like this, but now I can see how God has guide me going through many problems. Well, I shouldn't be envious like that. Hiks...

Maybe I have lose that dream. But I thank God for my wife who still keeps our hope until now.

I believe, even we don’t have our own, God still makes my heart be able to love the other children. There’re many men could be father for their own child. But only a few who have blessed to be daddy for not their own, and I really happy to be the one of them.